It's late. All day I have wanted to share the story my fingers have been waiting to "click clack" and finally I have a few minutes. All my "hens" are in for the night- well mostly and I have just had my "final" handful of chocolate chips. So here I sit in my jammies trying to sync my autumn thoughts and memories.
It's hard to believe that next week is Halloween. I love this time of year! I love the orange of the pumpkins, the gold leaves falling from the trees, the crisp autumn air- the world feels as if it wants to share a story!
I have tried to listen as I have gone from one adventure to the next. The earth is simply beautiful here in my little southwest corner of CC town. I walk across campus and I am reminded of my younger college days. A twinge of regret nags at me, "I wish I would have wandered more in those days."
But I was driven by "my plan." The plan to complete my education in the prescribed "four years," marry in a timely manner, and then start a family. It happened- all of it. I got what I wanted- My gratitude is immense and I am happy. But there a few "edits" I wish I could make. These "edits" I encourage our college kids to take advantage of as well as my "new college friends." Wander a little, adventure A LOT- make it happen- maybe don't hold so tightly to "the plan." Ambition is good, but joy is better!
So here I am 40 something... watching the leaves fall, remembering who I was some twenty odd years ago, and wanting it all to linger a little longer.
Rigby has spent a lot of time in the hills these past few months- it seems to energize him. Me, I love a morning run- my communion with God and "free therapy." Give me a good book and a wander and I am happy.
The oldest of our fab five is ambition driven- headed for a career in law- an immigration attorney. He is outgoing and kind, but some times an absent minded professor. We love that he is home and hate to think of him leaving us this summer to pick watermelon in Texas and then off for a study abroad semester in Mexico- but I love to see him dream- I love that he sees God wherever he goes and wants to wander with him!
Our 18 year old is discovering that "studying" has taken on a whole new meaning in college. Somewhat of an introvert, he holds a little more tightly to the familiar resisting change and not trusting the flight of his own wings. I pray God will swoop him up and show him how to soar.
At Sixteen--- our third son knows most everything. I grit my teeth and bare it. Occasionally, I receive a text that says, "mom, you were right- thank you!" He is smart and fun, athletic and handsome, beats to his own drum and is just now coming into his own as a man. I pray he will listen before he sets sail.
Almost fourteen- she is sweet and tender and the next minute sassy with a drizzle of spunk. Tonight, I read to her Alcott's treasured "Little Women" as her eyes drifted close. She is my best friend- my fashion adviser, and my bucket list partner. She sees life's beauty and hopes to embrace it.
Our baby at nine- Last night, I found him in his room kneeling by his bed in prayer. My heart nearly burst with unimaginable joy. I turned to see his newest "bedroom decor-" his baptism picture (he is dressed in a suit with a missionary tag on his right pocket) below his photo is carefully placed two signs- "I hope they call me on a mission" and "I know the Scriptures are true."
I love being their mom. I love that I am forty something and I am not afraid to wander. I still have mountains to climb and vistas to ascend.
I will continue to seek out adventure in what ever form it may fall. Every fall it seems, I return to my mother's birthplace with her for a wander. Autumns smells of memories to me and I want to savor each one. At the cemetery, we searched for graves of her ancestors- we found some but not all. We went to Grandpa Evans' home (mom was born there in April, 1941 on the kitchen table) it is one of the remaining 3 homes from the original fort days, and then we walked Main Street and rejoiced in the simple life that still remains here in the 21st century. I am grateful for this day- for this memory!